• Home
  • Meet Stacey
    • Work with Me
  • Decor
  • Family
  • Food
  • Style
  • Travel
  • Shop My Feed
  • PRIVACY POLICY
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Posh in Progress

How to Talk to Kids About Racism

By Stacey Freeman Leave a Comment

how to talk to kids about racism
Yesterday, the day when many people chose to be silent in solidarity and to amplify Black voices, I spoke out. It’s not that I don’t support Black voices, I absolutely do. I will be sharing Black voices on my social media and blog now and moving forward. However, as a white mom to bi-racial children, I feel I must be vocal. My kids’ futures depend on it. After I posted yesterday, many people contacted me to talk about race and racism. Some thanked me for speaking out and sharing my experience, and many asked important questions about what they can do. The question I got the most often was, how do I talk to my kids about racism? We must learn how to talk to kids about racism, or we will never overcome racism in this country. So here goes.

Talking about race is hard. It’s hard when you do not experience racism in your life. It’s hard when you’re not surrounded by people who are culturally different from you. Believe me, I do understand. I’m from Green Bay, WI. As a child, I can count on one hand how many people of color I knew. Based solely on where I lived, I had many preconceptions and held many stereotypes about other races, I can distinctly remember as a teenager, fearing Black people, because that is what the media showed me. I can remember locking my doors as Black people would walk near me. It was instinctual. Media told me Black people were dangerous and bad, so I feared them. I can tell you for certain I didn’t learn this from my parents, it was larger than that. It was so ingrained within society. That is systemic racism at work.

It is hard for me to admit that I was raised to believe Black people are different than me and that I should fear them, but I hope my honesty shows you something. That even a woman who chose to marry a Black man, who chose a career studying educational injustice for Black people, who ultimately gave birth to bi-racial African American children, still has struggled to overcome systemic racism in my own life and change my own racist worldview. I am telling you all of this for an important reason. In order to dismantle the racist system in which we live, we must talk about race and racism.

My Kids’ Reaction to George Floyd’s Murder

When I told my kids about George Floyd’s murder, the first thing my daughter asked me was, “does that mean daddy is going to be killed by police?” The next thing my son asked was, “Does that mean I’m going to die too?”

At that moment, my heart literally broke as tears streamed down my face. No parent should ever have to talk to their kids about this. No parent should have to explain that just because their skin is brown, they are going to live a much harder life. They will not have the same life chances as their white friends (or their mother and their extended family), simply because of their skin color.

Yesterday, my son asked me, “mom, why are you always on your phone?” This is not a new thing. I am on my phone a lot. But normally, I find a better balance. I try to put it down so I can concentrate on quality time with my kids. The last week, that’s felt nearly impossible. I am on social media nonstop. I have been fielding questions and talking to other influencers. I’m trying to not only share my voice to fight for #BlackLivesMatter but also to ensure I am showing the actions I am taking. Part of that is sharing my story.

One question I’ve received several times over the last few days is, how to talk to kids about racism. This is not a simple question with a straightforward answer. It’s something I’m struggling with myself, so I thought I’d attempt to share some ideas for how to start these conversations in your home.

How to Talk to Kids About Racism

Start with Simple Terms

There is no one right way to start conversations about race and racism in your home. The way I’ve talked about it with my kids is to try to explain systemic racism in the simplest terms. I told them that in America, Black people (and other ethnic minorities), are treated differently based on their skin color. I explained to them that some people might not like them because of their skin color. My children are 6 and 7. At their young age, their first response is, “that’s not nice. That’s not fair.” I told them I agreed.

I told them over and over that they are just as special, smart, and important as every other person. However, some people just might not treat them nicely because they are Black. I reiterated that those beliefs are wrong and that their skin color is perfect. They are just as important as everyone else.

Do Not Take A “Colorblind” Approach

Kids begin to see skin color very young. They don’t associate skin color with bad or good, better or worse (initially), but they do see it. My daughter was 4 the first time she talked to me about the fact that she preferred my skin color. You may imagine my utter shock and horror that someone so young could already have been told (or interpreted) her skin color was bad. I spent a lot of time with her explaining that there actually is no such thing as “white or black”. These labels have been created within society to create power dynamics. This concept can be confusing for kids who are young, but it doesn’t hurt to at least start talking about it. Here is an article about the history of race and the construction of race in America.

Even if you’re not sure how to talk about skin color and race, please don’t say “skin color doesn’t matter” because it does. In society, it does. By not acknowledging Black people’s skin color, you’re actually discrediting their lived experiences and their salient identity. You can absolutely say that you love all people regardless of their skin color, but don’t say “I don’t see color”. Believe it or not, having a colorblind ideology is actually racist.

Talk About Love & Kindness

Especially with younger kids, start with talking about love and kindness. My kids learned about being kind to their friends at school as young as ages 3 or 4, so it is a concept they understand from a very early age. By talking to your kids using terms they understand, it will be a whole lot easier. Tell them that not all people in our country are treated the same, and explain why that is wrong. Tell them that all people should be treated with kindness and love regardless of how they look. This love and kindness approach is inclusive and also can be used to talk about people with disabilities and people of other religions, cultures, races, etc.

Explain Privilege

how to talk to kids about race 2
It s important that you start to talk to your kids about their privilege from a young age. Although my kids are bi-racial, they also have two highly educated parents and live in a fairly affluent area. They have access to healthcare, good schools, and extracurricular activities. My kids are privileged compared to many other people in society, so I talk to them about it. I explain to them how lucky they are to have a house, food, and all of the opportunities they’ve gotten because of my blog (such as many trips to places like Disneyland, free toys, and even international travel).

You can talk about privilege in other ways too. One way I’ve done so is by talking to my kids about homelessness. We’ve witnessed the homeless camps strewn around LA. I’ve explained to them just how lucky they are. So yes, even Black people can have privileges relative to other people in society.

However, Black people also are affected, daily, by systemic racism. As a white woman, I do not experience that same discrimination. If you are white, you should talk to your kids about white privilege. If you are white, you have privilege. Period. If you are white and low-income, you still have some privileges that other races do not. I know that poor white people also struggle with a lot of the same issues that poor Black families do. However, you still have privilege because you are white. If you don’t fear for your life when a cop pulls you over, you have privilege. If you have never experienced someone following you in a store because of your skin color, you have privilege.

These are just a couple of examples of experiences Black people face every day, simply because of their skin color. The fact that white people don’t fear for their lives or worry about how they have to act in the world (what they wear, how they talk, how they style their hair), that is what white privilege means.

Expose Them to Other Cultures

A lot of the reason for racism is simply a lack of understanding and experience. If you grow up in a predominantly white neighborhood, you never interact with people who are different than yourself, it is not surprising that you start to internalize the media stereotypes of Black and brown people. I have personal experience with this because I did grow up in a majority white community. Many people I grew up with were outwardly racist. In high school, I even remember guys in my class rocking the confederate flag (yes really, in Green Bay, WI). But here’s the thing. I don’t actually think those people started out with hate in their hearts for Black people. Personally, I think they grew to have those views because the media and their older relatives told them to. I don’t think they ever questioned those worldviews because they had no reason to.

So, seek out opportunities to interact with people who have different cultural beliefs or experiences than you. Find ways to expose your children to people who live very different lives. You could do this by including more diversity in your children’s books (here’s one link I found, although I have not read all of these books). You could do this by watching documentaries about other cultures. Or you could seek out other ways to support other communities, such as volunteering. You could also get your kids involved by raising money to donate to relevant charities.

Additional Resources

This blog post is not all-encompassing or a perfect guide to talking about race and racism with kids, because there is no right answer. What I can say is that what is important is to start early, talk about it often, and always start with love and kindness for all people as the overarching message.

If you’re looking for other resources, here are some to start.

Age-by-Age Guide to Discussing Racism

Many Resources for Talking About Race and Racism

A Parents’ Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice

Racism & Violence: How to Help Kids Handle the News 

Looking for more stories about race or how to talk to kids about racism? Here is a story about how to be an ally for #BlackLivesMatter. Here’s a story about what MLK Day means to me. Also, here is a story about my thoughts on visiting the Apartheid Museum.

 

Tagged With: #blacklivesmatter, Black Lives Matter, race, racism

About Stacey Freeman

I am a Style Maven, Mommy, Educator, and Traveler.

« How to Be an Ally For Black Lives Matter
How to Wear Your Hair for an Interview »

What do you think? Cancel reply

Hi, I’m Stacey!

Popular Posts

  • you should really make these copycat Starbucks egg bites that I made in the oven! They are awesome!
    How to Make Starbucks Copycat Egg Bites In the Oven
  • How to Make Chocolate Semifreddo with Cherry Sauce
  • 27 Fun and Free Outdoor After School Activities for Kids
  • italian-easter-cookies-00
    How to Make These Popular Italian Easter Cookies
  • Abalone Cove Tide Pools: Everything You Need To Know

Disclosure

This site uses selective affiliate links, which means a commission is earned if you make a purchase via the link. The price you pay will be the same whether you use the affiliate link or go directly to the vendor’s website using a non-affiliate link. Our editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. We appreciate, and thank you for, your support!

Pinterest

Join Stacey on Instagram

poshinprogress

POSH IN PROGRESS - A Lifestyle Blog
Fashion • Mom Life • Recipes • Travel • Home
Executive Director - UCLA Bedari Kindness Institute
📍 Los Angeles

Dr. Stacey Freeman
Sometimes you meet someone with a contagious energ Sometimes you meet someone with a contagious energy that you can’t even describe - it’s that powerful. That’s @meaghanbmurphy ⚡️⚡️.
.
I met Meaghan two years ago at the @beachesresorts SMOTS conference and I was drawn to her positivity, radiant energy, and could totally relate to her “working mom who wants to have it all” mentality.
.
The older I get, the more I realize that the people you surround yourself with matters so much. If your Instagram friends or real life friends aren’t helping you to be the best version of yourself, then you might need new friends. 
.
Meaghan continues to inspire me with her new book “Your Fully Charged Life.” If you’re looking for a fun and smart read to help you take back control of your life on your journey to being your best self, this book is for you! You can get yours on Amazon, at Barnes and Nobel, or other book retailers near you. Congrats Meaghan! ⚡️⚡️
#ad My kids are obsessed with Pokémon. As a new, #ad My kids are obsessed with Pokémon. As a new, exciting, and fun kid’s cereal option to infuse joy into my kid’s breakfast routine, I brought home Dunkaroos and @Pokémon cereals. I wish I could describe their reaction when they saw the new cereal. It was like it was Christmas morning all over again - pure excitement and joy. If you're looking to add some happiness to your kids' mornings, check out the fun options from @generalmills at @walmart @dunkaroos
Exactly one year ago, @disneyland invited us to ex Exactly one year ago, @disneyland invited us to experience their brand new Magic Happens parade. We miss visiting the park so much so I was super excited to hear about the new ‘A Touch Of Disney’ coming in March. 
.
Here’s what we know: starting March 4th tickets will go on sale for an outdoor experience at California Adventure starting on March 18th running Thursdays - Mondays from 12pm - 8pm.
.
Ticket for ages 3 and up are $75 and include:
✨Parking at the Mickey & Friends Parking Structure beginning at 11:30 AM
✨$25 A Touch of Disney Dining Card redeemable for food and nonalcoholic beverages at select dining locations within the Disneyland Resort 
✨Unlimited digital downloads of Disney PhotoPass photos captured during day of the experience. 
.
Are you excited for the park semi-reopening? Will you be getting tickets? Check out Disneyland website for more information on the precautions they are taking to keep everyone safe!  #disneyland #disney #disneymom #disneyfamily #californiaadventure
Jewelry is my favorite art✨. I feel naked withou Jewelry is my favorite art✨. I feel naked without my ring and earring stacks. I added a new chunky gold ring from @glamira_diamonds to my collection and I’m obsessed! 
.
If you’re looking for affordable 14k gold and diamonds jewelry, you need to check out Glamjra! Plus, you can save 10% with code STACEY. Check out my stories for a swipe up to my ring or click the link in my profile. ✨ #glamira #glamiradiamonds #glamirajewelry #ad
Happy Monday babes! Do you have fashion rules for Happy Monday babes! Do you have fashion rules for yourself, like certain styles you just don’t think you’re allowed to wear? I have a few, including babydoll dresses. I always thought they looked awful on me because they lack shape and look so boxy on me — until I found this corduroy one 🖤!
.
New on poshinprogress.com, I’m sharing 10 long sleeve babydoll dresses that are so cute, even on me. This is your reminder to try breaking your own fashion rules every now and then.
.
You can shop my looks by following me on the LIKEtoKNOW.it shopping app http://liketk.it/38VQ5 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKcurves #LTKunder50 
.
You can save 15% more at @shein_us with code 4PoshIn15. #sheingals #shein #curvyfashion #babydolldress
Some rare selfies with my girl. She asked for the Some rare selfies with my girl. She asked for the filters but I like the all-natural best. #sundayselfie #mommysgirl
Load More... Follow Stacey on Instagram

© 2021 Posh in Progress. All rights are reserved.

Copyright © 2021 · Glam Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in