• Home
  • Meet Stacey
    • Work with Me
  • Decor
  • Family
  • Food
  • Style
  • Travel
  • Shop My Feed
  • PRIVACY POLICY
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Posh in Progress

A Black Mom’s Guide to Being An Ally for Black Lives Matter

By Stacey Freeman 1 Comment

This story originally appeared on Are Those Your Kids and was entitled: How to be an Ally in #Blacklivesmatter Today and Everyday. This story was written by Diedre from Are Those Your Kids.


I’ve seen so many friends, influencers, and acquaintances posting online lately. They want to know how to be an ally in #blacklives matter.

On one hand, it’s been so refreshing to see people of every race and nationality joining together for a common cause.

Black people need the voices of other people so that change can come–and come swiftly.

I’ve responded to numerous DM’s asking what the next steps are. White friends are afraid to speak out for fear of saying the wrong thing or receiving harsh criticism and backlash.

I got you. Here are a few easy ways that you can be an ally:

Don’t be offended by directness

www.jasonhurstphotography.com ©Jason Hurst Photography 2016

Did you know that how we communicate is learned behavior that can be shaped by our culture and experiences??I didn’t until I had people point out how direct I am and how they had to get use to my approach.

I am 37 years old and I wasn’t always vocal. I love peace and living a drama-free life, so I only brought up when I was upset when it went too far. It was unhealthy. I allowed others feelings to be more important than my own, and that often left me feeling resentful or I would boil over during a small disagreement because I spent so much time holding back. In my 30’s, I decided that I was no longer going to hold back. I was going to speak my truth (in kindness) but let people knew where I stood early on.

It was a little scary at first, but the more I did it, the more empowered I felt. Then I could really see people’s hearts. If you tell someone how you feel about something and you can have a meaningful exchange and they work on reconciling the relationship, they are worth keeping in your circle.

If they could give two you know what’s, then it’s time to let ’em go.

When your black friends are telling you point blank period how they feel, believe them. Let them have a moment of clarity and let them be transparent with you. It doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Just listen.

Stop taking criticism over system issues personally

Want to know how to be an ally?

STOP TAKING EVERY SYSTEMATIC ISSUE PERSONALLY


Over the past week or so, I’ve had to take a few breaks from social media for my own mental health.

I would see white people posting about how all cops aren’t bad because they have cops in their families. Why can’t we just say that what happened to the likes of George Floyd and so many other black men were just wrong?? Why can’t we admit that we need systematic change?

It takes the voices and actions of many to change systematic injustices that have tainted society.

Stop talking, explaining, rationalizing & just listen

Perhaps the best way to be an ally is to just listen.

Don’t say:

“Well, maybe there’s more to the story that we don’t know.”

“He/she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“He/she had a criminal background in the past.”

“We only saw part of the video.”

“Are you sure it was about race? It could’ve been something else.”

We don’t want our experiences invalidated or explained away. Please just listen.

Stop asking us how we feel

I know you have good intentions by asking, but honestly, we don’t know how we feel. Emotions are high. One minute we’re crying. The next minute we’re talking to our children and hugging them tighter. We’re in shock. We are emotionally spent.

We are grieving. Black people are not okay.

Stop making conversations awkward

If you’re my friend, we talk about life. Work, home, current events, our favorite t.v. shows.

Our world is in such a weird state right now. It almost feels like we’re in the twilight zone. Don’t suddenly make conversations weird with long awkward silences. It’s okay for you to share your feelings. It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to participate in protests if you feel led to.

Don’t be an ally, be a good human being

How can you be an ally? Show up!

Care. Be a good human being. Don’t make excuses about injustices, but look for ways to make small changes where you are.

Hear a racist joke at work? Call them out.

Notice that there are no people of color (of any other ethnicity) in your space? Do something about it!

Surround yourself with diversity at church, extracurricular activities for your kids, in the books you choose and the places you go.

Build authentic relationships with people who are different from you, and being an ally won’t seem like such a challenge. 

You’ll begin to care about the issues of people who are close to you.

Part of our indifference to change has been that people can easily turn a blind eye to issues that don’t affect them. But there is a huge problem when people are hurting all around and no one takes notice.

Keep advocating for change

In order for systematic change to come, we can’t be angry today and business as usual tomorrow. Sharing a few of your favorite black-owned shops and IG profiles isn’t enough. You have to keep widening your circle of influence and making room for others at the table. Check out  a few of these statistics from White Fragility:

Teachers: 82% White

Full-time college professors: 84% white

Owners of professional football teams: 97% white

Ten richest Americans: 100% white

US Congress: 90% White

People who directed the top 100 grossing films: 95% white

US Congress: 90% White
People who decide which TV shows we see: 93% white

People who decide which news is covered: 85% white

Now tell me we don’t need systematic change.

Note from Stacey: If you’re looking for more content on race, here are two recent stories I wrote about talking to kids about racism and being an ally.

Tagged With: #blacklivesmatter, Ally, race, racism

About Stacey Freeman

I am a Style Maven, Mommy, Educator, and Traveler.

« How to Wear Your Hair for an Interview
Here is a Fresh Strawberry Cake Recipe You Will Love »

Comments

  1. Sarah says

    at

    Thank you so much for sharing this!

    Reply

What do you think? Cancel reply

Hi, I’m Stacey!

Popular Posts

  • you should really make these copycat Starbucks egg bites that I made in the oven! They are awesome!
    How to Make Starbucks Copycat Egg Bites In the Oven
  • How to Make Chocolate Semifreddo with Cherry Sauce
  • 27 Fun and Free Outdoor After School Activities for Kids
  • How to Make This Italian Fig Cookies Recipe (Cuccidati)
  • italian-easter-cookies-00
    How to Make These Popular Italian Easter Cookies

Disclosure

This site uses selective affiliate links, which means a commission is earned if you make a purchase via the link. The price you pay will be the same whether you use the affiliate link or go directly to the vendor’s website using a non-affiliate link. Our editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. We appreciate, and thank you for, your support!

Pinterest

Join Stacey on Instagram

poshinprogress

POSH IN PROGRESS - A Lifestyle Blog
Fashion • Mom Life • Recipes • Travel • Home
Executive Director - UCLA Bedari Kindness Institute
📍 Los Angeles

Dr. Stacey Freeman
Sometimes you meet someone with a contagious energ Sometimes you meet someone with a contagious energy that you can’t even describe - it’s that powerful. That’s @meaghanbmurphy ⚡️⚡️.
.
I met Meaghan two years ago at the @beachesresorts SMOTS conference and I was drawn to her positivity, radiant energy, and could totally relate to her “working mom who wants to have it all” mentality.
.
The older I get, the more I realize that the people you surround yourself with matters so much. If your Instagram friends or real life friends aren’t helping you to be the best version of yourself, then you might need new friends. 
.
Meaghan continues to inspire me with her new book “Your Fully Charged Life.” If you’re looking for a fun and smart read to help you take back control of your life on your journey to being your best self, this book is for you! You can get yours on Amazon, at Barnes and Nobel, or other book retailers near you. Congrats Meaghan! ⚡️⚡️
#ad My kids are obsessed with Pokémon. As a new, #ad My kids are obsessed with Pokémon. As a new, exciting, and fun kid’s cereal option to infuse joy into my kid’s breakfast routine, I brought home Dunkaroos and @Pokémon cereals. I wish I could describe their reaction when they saw the new cereal. It was like it was Christmas morning all over again - pure excitement and joy. If you're looking to add some happiness to your kids' mornings, check out the fun options from @generalmills at @walmart @dunkaroos
Exactly one year ago, @disneyland invited us to ex Exactly one year ago, @disneyland invited us to experience their brand new Magic Happens parade. We miss visiting the park so much so I was super excited to hear about the new ‘A Touch Of Disney’ coming in March. 
.
Here’s what we know: starting March 4th tickets will go on sale for an outdoor experience at California Adventure starting on March 18th running Thursdays - Mondays from 12pm - 8pm.
.
Ticket for ages 3 and up are $75 and include:
✨Parking at the Mickey & Friends Parking Structure beginning at 11:30 AM
✨$25 A Touch of Disney Dining Card redeemable for food and nonalcoholic beverages at select dining locations within the Disneyland Resort 
✨Unlimited digital downloads of Disney PhotoPass photos captured during day of the experience. 
.
Are you excited for the park semi-reopening? Will you be getting tickets? Check out Disneyland website for more information on the precautions they are taking to keep everyone safe!  #disneyland #disney #disneymom #disneyfamily #californiaadventure
Jewelry is my favorite art✨. I feel naked withou Jewelry is my favorite art✨. I feel naked without my ring and earring stacks. I added a new chunky gold ring from @glamira_diamonds to my collection and I’m obsessed! 
.
If you’re looking for affordable 14k gold and diamonds jewelry, you need to check out Glamjra! Plus, you can save 10% with code STACEY. Check out my stories for a swipe up to my ring or click the link in my profile. ✨ #glamira #glamiradiamonds #glamirajewelry #ad
Happy Monday babes! Do you have fashion rules for Happy Monday babes! Do you have fashion rules for yourself, like certain styles you just don’t think you’re allowed to wear? I have a few, including babydoll dresses. I always thought they looked awful on me because they lack shape and look so boxy on me — until I found this corduroy one 🖤!
.
New on poshinprogress.com, I’m sharing 10 long sleeve babydoll dresses that are so cute, even on me. This is your reminder to try breaking your own fashion rules every now and then.
.
You can shop my looks by following me on the LIKEtoKNOW.it shopping app http://liketk.it/38VQ5 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKcurves #LTKunder50 
.
You can save 15% more at @shein_us with code 4PoshIn15. #sheingals #shein #curvyfashion #babydolldress
Some rare selfies with my girl. She asked for the Some rare selfies with my girl. She asked for the filters but I like the all-natural best. #sundayselfie #mommysgirl
Load More... Follow Stacey on Instagram

© 2021 Posh in Progress. All rights are reserved.

Copyright © 2021 · Glam Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in