• Home

  • Meet Stacey

    • Work with Me

  • Decor

  • Family

  • Food

  • Style

  • Travel

  • Shop My Feed

  • PRIVACY POLICY

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Posh in Progress

Where Breastfeeding Advocates Get it Wrong

By Stacey Freeman 4 Comments

breastfeeding-advocates-1Have you ever wanted to give your child the best and couldn’t? What if the best was something that 99% percent of mothers could give but you couldn’t? For me, this happened very early on in motherhood: I couldn’t produce enough milk to feed my first child, my son Rocco. Only 16 months after my son Rocco was born, the breastfeeding anxiety has returned with the birth of my daughter Giada last month.

Breastfeeding advocates fail to acknowledge that not all women are physically able to breastfeed. They push “breast is best” so hard, that not being able to produce enough milk made me feel horrible about myself and figure I must be doing something wrong. If I don’t breastfeed — because of course all mothers can — then I must be lazy, selfish, ignorant, a quitter or don’t really care about my child’s health, right?

Having an issue with milk production right in the middle of a major resurgence in breastfeeding advocacy is a cruel irony. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly encourages mothers to breastfeed exclusively for the first year of life. Waiting rooms and doctors’ offices brim with educational materials that promote breastfeeding. My own prenatal care included breastfeeding preparation classes and offered discounts on breast pumps and other breastfeeding paraphernalia.

I tried my nipples off, almost literally. I pursued every course of action to sustain breastfeeding exclusively. I had undersupply issues with my son, so I had to use an industrial strength, hospital grade breast pump that mechanically tugged and pulled at tender parts of my body for 20 minutes, every two hours (including the middle of the night) for six weeks.

breastfeeding-advocates-03Beyond spending the first six weeks of motherhood sleep deprived, practically topless and strapped to a breast pump, the machine removed layers of sensitive skin, which caused my nipples to bleed and develop sores. All that pain and effort only produced single-digit milliliters of breast milk each session, which was a literal drop in the bottle, compared to how much he actually needed to survive.

Despite my resolve, my body let me down and no one knew exactly why. I, most likely, have insufficient glandular tissue to produce an adequate supply, or it was because of my thyroid issues. But the fact remained that no amount of intervention would make nursing sustainable for me.

I was devastated. I cried countless times; I was a failure. I had let my son down (even as I type this, I have tears in my eyes remembering the painful feelings of inadequacy and not being able to provide the best nutrition for my son). It took me a very long time to come to terms with my inability to nurse my son. I still feel badly about it. My feelings of disappointment only stronger because of the media and medical community’s stance that breastfeeding is the only viable option.

If it’s not evident by my pumping experience, I am completely pro-breastfeeding. I absolutely buy into the fact that women’s bodies are designed to nurse and provide food for their children. I also agree that many women give up too quickly and don’t put in the hard work required to nurse exclusively, so I can understand why lactation consultants and doctors work so hard to promote breastfeeding. It is their job, and they only want the best possible health for our children.

breastfeeding-advocates-4But what about those of us who try our darnedest, who have sore and bleeding nipples due to latching issues, who pump every two hours for weeks on end, who visit their doctors to ask for medical interventions and medications to help, who feed their babies through syringes to avoid nipple confusion, who visit the lactation consultants weekly, but just can’t increase our supply?

It has been my experience that women like me, who truly can’t produce an adequate supply, are met with accusatory questions and misunderstanding. There is an overarching belief that all women should be able to breastfeed, when in fact, there are indeed, women who simply can’t. Yes, it is rare that women who put in the hard work are not able to increase their supply, but it does happen.

The problem is, we are the exception, not the rule. The other issue is there is very little research and support for the small percentage of women who cannot breastfeed (statistically only 1 in 1000 women will have insufficient glandular tissue, but 15% fall into the category of lactation failure).

When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I steeled myself knowing I probably would not be able to breastfeed her. My doctor and lactation consultant encouraged me to try again. They told me every pregnancy is different because your hormones change with each pregnancy. Although, they reluctantly agreed I most likely would have difficulty again.

I decided to try to breastfeed my daughter, but I would not put myself through the same level of personal torture that I had the first time around. My failed attempts with Rocco took an emotional and mental toll on me that was unhealthy. Ironically, my frenetic breast pumping efforts, working to be a good mother, cost me precious bonding time with my baby boy and scarred my first weeks of motherhood.

A month ago, we welcomed my daughter and it was déjà vu all over again. My motherly instincts shouted down all of my tormenting breastfeeding memories. As if on cue, within a couple hours of her birth, the breastfeeding propaganda kicked into high gear.

My concerns about my ability to breast feed again seemed to fall on deaf ears. I imagine this is because doctors and lactation consultants see hundreds of women a year and much of what they advise is rote regurgitation. It felt as though they were waiting for me to finish expressing my fears so they could go through their checklist. The doctor’s and lactation consultant’s exhibited an all-knowing attitude and their dismissive responses to my comments brimmed with judgment, questioning the vigor of my past efforts.

Granted, every pregnancy is different and I didn’t know for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to feed my daughter, but wouldn’t a more compassionate approach that recognized my struggles better muster enthusiasm for a second try than a sugar-coated brow beating?

Regardless, I decided to pump again while in the hospital because it wasn’t about me, it was about my daughter and what was best for her. Instead of bonding with my new daughter and resting, her first day of life I spent pumping. My anxiety grew with each sad little trickle of milk, trying to fill those bottles by force of will.

breastfeeding-advocates-2By the second week, my anxiety and feelings of insecurity reached a breaking point and I decided all of this concentration on pumping had to stop. I had seen an increase in production from my experience with Rocco, but the totals were still far less than the equivalent of a quarter of a meal for my daughter.

Doctors and lactation consultants met my decision with silence and disappointed looks. Despite their reactions, I finally stopped caring about their approval and enjoyed the precious first moments with my daughter.

Another irony, when I let go of other people’s expectations and did what was right for me, what allowed me to be the most emotionally and mentally stable, my supply increased. Although I still can only produce about 10% of her dietary needs, I am producing about five times as much milk as I did with my son.

At times (especially as I write this story) I am flooded with feelings of inadequacy and disappointment for my inability to breastfeed my children exclusively, as I envisioned. As I watch both of them grow healthfully, I am reassured that my inability to breastfeed is not the measure of my worth as a mother.

I am fortunate I was able to experience nursing my son and daughter. Even if I was never able to fully sustain the practice, I was able to give them some colostrum and breast milk, and feel what it is like to bond with my children through nursing.

By sharing my difficulties, I hope this story brings awareness to those of us who are physically unable to breastfeed exclusively. I want the medical community not to dismiss us, not to contribute to making us feel guilty, but rather to help us find solutions and interventions. Although I suspect my issue is at least partially genetic, I hope the medical community will take a closer look at women with underproduction issues to find a solution so that my own daughter doesn’t have to deal with this some day.

For those of you who have experienced difficulty with breastfeeding: undersupply, oversupply, latching issues, mastitis, you are not alone.  Breastfeeding advocates, take note. We appreciate your enthusiastic belief and support of breastfeeding, but don’t forget about us. There are those of us who simply cannot sustain breastfeeding, and rather than your accusatory stares or comments, we need your support and comfort.

 

Tagged With: breastfeeding, breastfeeding advice, breastfeeding advocacy, breastfeeding advocates, breastfeeding challenges, breastfeeding issues, difficulty breastfeeding, insufficient glandular tissue, moms, new mom, parenting, parenting advice, undersupply of breast milk

About Stacey Freeman

I am a Style Maven, Mommy, Educator, and Traveler.

« Practical or Posh? Black White Striped Pumps
Floral Print Trend »

Comments

  1. lactation snacks says

    at

    awesome site

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Posh In Progress 10 Best - Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] the hardest story to write and share was where breastfeeding advocates get it wrong. It is hard to admit my own flaws to the whole world (at least my readers), but I hope sharing this […]

    Reply
  2. 18 Baby Registry Must Haves That You Actually Need - Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] wait to get one of these until you see how nursing goes. I bought a breast pump, and then I had a horrible time breastfeeding. I ended up renting a medical-grade pump, so my pump went unused. First, try nursing. If you find […]

    Reply
  3. Reflecting on 5 Years of Being a Mom | Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] for other mama stories? Here’s one about my struggle with breastfeeding, the 10 things I miss about life before kids, and 6 surprising things from my first year of […]

    Reply

What do you think? Cancel reply

Hi, I’m Stacey!

Popular Posts

  • Starbucks Egg Bites Recipe In the Oven featured by top LA lifestyle blogger, Posh in Progress

    How to Make Starbucks Copycat Egg Bites In the Oven

  • Doralto the perfect margarita alternative

    The Doralto: The Little Known Alternative to the Margarita

  • Summer Eggplant Tomato Pie recipe featured by top LA lifestyle blogger, Posh in Progress

    How to Make This Brilliant Summer Eggplant Tomato Pie

  • 3 Day Water Fast before and after featured by top LA lifestyle blogger, Posh in Progress

    I Went on a 3 Day Water Fast and This is What Happened

  • How to Style Biker Shorts for Curvy Women, tips featured by top LA fashion blogger, Posh in Progress

    How to Style Biker Shorts for Curvy Women: 3 Cute Ideas

Disclosure

This site uses selective affiliate links, which means a commission is earned if you make a purchase via the link. The price you pay will be the same whether you use the affiliate link or go directly to the vendor’s website using a non-affiliate link. Our editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. We appreciate, and thank you for, your support!

Pinterest

Join Stacey on Instagram

poshinprogress

Writer - Educator - Entrepreneur
Mom Life • Travel • Fashion • Recipes
My new children’s book ➡️https://amzn.to/3rjsXKE

Stacey Freeman, Ph.D.
Are you ready for the holiday weekend? If you’re Are you ready for the holiday weekend? If you’re looking for a festive and refreshing drink idea, head over to poshinprogress.com to check out my go-to summer drink - this watermelon blueberry smash cocktail recipe. Link in stories! 

#cocktailrecipes #cocktail #cocktailrecipe #watermeloncocktail #blueberries #watermelon
Supporting a healthy immune system and prioritizin Supporting a healthy immune system and prioritizing my health has been a major goal of mine in 2022. I've been focusing a lot more on my supplements, to make sure I'm getting everything I need. Each day, I start with the @naturemadevitamins Multi + Omega-3 gummies because they provide the nutrients my body needs plus heart-healthy Omega 3s.†  From Nature Made, the #1 Pharmacist recommended vitamin and supplement brand* Tap in my stories to learn more about some of my favorite Nature Made supplements. #ad #NatureMadeVitamins 
 
†These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. 
 
*Based on a survey of pharmacists who recommend branded vitamins and supplements.
Where you’ll find me most days… Last summer, Where you’ll find me most days…

Last summer, I took on a big DIY patio renovation and it was seriously the best decision. I absolutely love my outdoor space now. If you’re looking for tips on easy ways to update your outdoor space, head over to the blog to check out my before and after and all the products I used. Link in stories!

#patio #patiodesign #patiofurniture #patiodecor #patiomakeover
Please don’t touch my kids’ hair. Please tell Please don’t touch my kids’ hair. Please tell your kids not to touch their hair. I can’t believe I have to say this or explain why this is racist. But I do.

I’m sure this seems like a random statement to most people. It might not seem like a big deal to you. But it’s not random and it is a big deal. It’s a common experience for Black people, and it’s not ok. 

Given everything going on right now, it’s hard for me to talk about a right to our personal space and bodies. That’s part of it. But it’s also about making my kids feel like an other.

New on poshinprogress.com, I’m sharing the story of my shock and surprise when my daughter told me she didn’t feel comfortable wearing her hair down anymore because so many of her classmates were touching her hair. And then being dumbfounded to find out my son has had a similar experience. I also share information on racial micro aggressions and history of Black people’s hair. If this story is surprising or confusing to you, please read more about why it’s never ok to touch Black people’s hair.

#blackhair #microaggressions #biracialkids #blackkidshairstyles #blackkids
Weekend summer casual on repeat. During the summ Weekend summer casual on repeat. 

During the summer, I live in t-shirt dresses. I try to find ones that have built in shape, like this one with a little shoelace tied waist. I also add shape and finish the look by adding jackets or light layers. 

You can shop some of my favorite t-shirt dresses here: https://liketk.it/3Izy2 or link in stories.

Follow my shop @poshinprogress on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!

#liketkit #LTKcurves #LTKunder100 #LTKunder50 @shop.ltk #curvyfashion #curvystyle #summerfashion #casualstyle
I was going to post about summer fashion. I was go I was going to post about summer fashion. I was going to talk about my kids’ beach camp next week. 

But this can’t go unsaid. I am so angry right now. I am terrified for my daughter and women in the U.S.

We just lost a fundamental human right. We just lost control of our bodies. 

This is not about saving the lives of unborn children. Because if it was, then all guns would be banned - because guns are the leading cause of childhood death in the U.S. 

This decision is about control. About controlling women. 

If you have the ability to choose whether to own a gun, why can’t I choose the healthcare decisions that are right for me? This is no longer a democracy. This decision has so much greater impact than people even realize. 

If you’re looking for resources, I’m linking a comprehensive one in my stories. This is not a place for debate, this is a place to protect women and our rights to control our bodies. We must stand together.

#womensrights #roevswade #roevwade
Load More... Follow Stacey on Instagram

© 2022 Posh in Progress. All rights are reserved.

Copyright © 2022 · Glam Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in