To My Sweet Baby Boy,

I wish I could take your unconditional love and box it up. The way you look at me, the way you adore me, I want to sear it into my memory – the memory of your innocence, your perfect self, before the world gets in the way. This unconditional love is something I never knew existed, not truly, until I had you.

I remember quiet moments when you were still an infant. I cradled you in my arms and balanced the bottle while your big brown eyes framed by lush black eyelashes stared at me for what felt like hours without blinking. How can an infant have such a deep gaze? Even back then, you loved me without question and I couldn’t believe just how lucky I was to be your mommy.

As a first-time mom, I made (and will make) so many mistakes with you. The first few months, we kept you up way too late, not realizing why you were crying. We would bounce you to sleep in your bouncy chair after 8 pm, long after you should have gone to bed. We also made you sleep in your car seat because it was the only angle that seemed to help keep you from throwing up.  Looking back on these silly little decisions we made makes me laugh. But what I remember the most is your stoic stare.

Behind that stare was an unconditional love I sincerely did not expect. The love you express to me on a daily basis makes my heart want to burst. Just the other day, you were laying on the couch and you grabbed my face in between your little hands, rubbed my cheek, pulled my face so it was next to yours. Then, you said, “mom, you’re my best girl, I love you so much.”

On your birthday, I want to tell you how lucky I am to have you. You are sincerely the sweetest, most caring, loving, introspective and empathetic person. For being so young, you are so in tune with your and other people’s emotions. On a daily basis, you do kind things to help your friends, your mom and dad, and your sister. You consistently offer Gigi comfort and support. She and we are so lucky to have such a kind soul in our life.

Life gets hard and I know I will let you down, but I hope the unconditional love we feel for each other doesn’t go away. I know love changes, I know time changes us all, but I hope we will always share the love only a mother and her firstborn son can share.

Happy 5^th birthday my sweet boy.