My Last First Mother’s Day

This Sunday is my last, first Mother’s day and I’m already nostalgic. This is my first Mother’s day having a daughter, and my last, first mother’s day, since we don’t plan to have any more children. As I reflect on what Mother’s day means to me this year, it dawned on me that there are now three generations of women in my family. Now that I have a daughter, Mother’s day feels different somehow–when daughters become mothers to daughters.

I’ve always been close to my parents, but especially close to my mom. Whether she knows it or not, she definitely influenced my own love and appreciation for fashion and makeup (don’t judge that ’80’s shot too harshly; that was the height of fashion back then). I remember sitting in the dressing room as she tried on the latest fashion trends. I can still remember this one floral print dress with a stretchy light pink belt she owned that I thought was so stylish. It was the 80’s after all, but I think that style would be back on trend this spring–midi length skirt, florals, light pink. I also loved watching her put on makeup. I would sit intently on her bathroom counter watching her test out the newest Mary Kay products (definitely many hues of blue eye shadow). I love how close I am to my mom and I love that I can call her to talk about pretty much anything.

When I first found out I was having a daughter, I was honestly worried. I worried that I wouldn’t live up to the standard I set for myself, that I’d somehow mess her up. I felt this enormous pressure to be perfect for her, to make sure I instilled in her all of the things I wish I had known or learned when I was younger, to be better, to make sure she’d be better than I am. Now that she’s here, I have let go of those ridiculous standards I set for myself. Instead I’m looking forward to getting to know her, to support her in whoever she wants to be. To be her mother and hopefully, someday, someone she can rely on like I rely on my own mother.

I haven’t asked my mom directly, but I can imagine it is special to watch your children become parents of their own and I know I will enjoy watching my own children become parents themselves someday. There is a certain understanding and experience of being a parent that you simply can’t understand unless you are one. Maybe it’s the unconditional love or maybe it’s more selfish than that, maybe it’s seeing a better version of yourself emerge into the world.

Either way, this Mother’s day, I am grateful for my own mother, for the sacrifices she (and dad) made on my behalf and their help in navigating me safely to adulthood. I am equally thankful for my two healthy, beautiful children and my husband. I am so excited to be a part of their childhood that lies ahead for all of us. Happy Mother’s Day.