• Home
  • Meet Stacey
    • Work with Me
  • Decor
  • Family
  • Food
  • Style
  • Travel
  • Shop My Feed
  • PRIVACY POLICY
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Posh in Progress

Sadness When You’re Done Having Babies

By Stacey Freeman 5 Comments

done-having-babies-02I’m not one of those women who loved being pregnant. My body was taken over by someone else, literally. I didn’t like the extra attention from strangers asking me when I was due, or telling me how pregnancy suited me. I counted down the days until I reached forty weeks. Maybe both of my babies and my body sensed how much I wasn’t into this pregnancy thing, since both babies came early.

I’m also not a baby person. Newborns just aren’t my thing. Yes, I absolutely love my children, but there is no such thing as newborn bliss, in my opinion. I find the first few months of sleepless nights, sore nipples, endless crying and colic, mostly annoying. I do love watching my babies grow and the few quite moments holding them. I do feel completely blessed to have carried and delivered two healthy babies, but most of the time, I can’t wait until my baby is a toddler. I can’t wait until she can understand me, communicate with me, laugh with me, relate.

Given my general dislike of all things pregnancy and newborn, I was pretty shocked by my reaction the other day at my doctor’s office. As I got undressed and waited patiently in my hospital gown, I overheard my doctor talking to another patient on the other side of the wall. I couldn’t hear details, but the parents were excitedly asking questions about their baby. Suddenly there was quiet in their room, and I very clearly heard their baby’s heart beat.

done-having-babies-01Hearing that pitter-patter of their precious baby’s heart bubbled up emotions in me that I didn’t even know I had. I actually started to tear up. No, these were not post-partum tears. These were tears of mourning the loss of becoming a new mom. It hit me for the first time; I won’t have those firsts ever again because I’m done having babies.

Long before my daughter was born, my husband and I had agreed to stop at two kids because of our respective ages (I’m approaching that 35 ‘advanced maternal age’ number) and raising children is expensive. I always liked the idea of two, a nice even number. My friend Amy always said it’s better to have “one-on-one instead of zone defense” (you sporty girls will relate). My friend Erika, who has three children, always told me there were challenges with three, like riding on Space Mountain, for example.

I thought I liked our decision to have two, that is, until I heard that heartbeat through the wall. As I sat there, half naked, waiting for my doctor, I was perplexed by my reaction. Why was I so upset to let go of the pregnancy and newborn milestones when I didn’t really like either of them very much?

done-having-babies-04After some hard reflection, I realized my reaction was an irrational response to the end of a time in my life. My role as ‘mother’ is far from over, but I am giving up something by not having more children. I will never need to buy a home pregnancy test and wait those few precious minutes to see the good news flash in PREGNANT; I will never hear the first heartbeat; I will never feel the baby kicking; I will never have the extensive conversations with my husband to decide on the baby’s name; I will never fill out the first pages of a baby book, I will never feel that joy and relief right after birth when you hold your child for the first time.

It is ironic, for someone who really did not like being pregnant and who prefers toddlers over infants, that I would react this way. What I realized is that there is something so special about the decision to become a parent and all of the firsts that come with each new child you bring into the world.

Although I will (probably) never have another child, instead of dwelling on the loss of those firsts, I am going to try to live in the present, to appreciate all of the firsts that both my son and daughter experience every day.  Instead of wishing all the annoyances of infancy away, I will try to see the amazing growth and development she experiences every day. I will try to live a more present life.

How did you decide you were done having babies? Did you experience similar feelings of loss when you decided you were done?

done-having-babies-03

Tagged With: babies, children, Kids, mom, motherhood, new mom

About Stacey Freeman

I am a Style Maven, Mommy, Educator, and Traveler.

« German Chocolate Cake Cookies
Practical or Posh: Lace Espadrilles »

Trackbacks

  1. When is the Best Time to Have a Second Baby? - Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] I’ve explained before, I’m not a baby person, but at the same time, I’m nostalgic that I’m done with the new mom firsts. This […]

    Reply
  2. Posh In Progress 10 Best says:
    at

    […] done having babies is one of my favorite mom posts because it was therapeutic to share an emotional reaction to a […]

    Reply
  3. My Last First Mother's Day - Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] Sunday is my last, first Mother’s day and I’m already nostalgic. This is my first Mother’s day having a daughter, and my last, first mother’s day, since we […]

    Reply
  4. Homemade Limoncello Recipe - Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] obsession remerged with my first pregnancy and carried well through my second. Now that I’m done having babies, I can think about alcohol again. I’m not a huge drinker, but I won’t pass up something sweet […]

    Reply
  5. A Birthday Wish to My Daughter | Posh in Progress says:
    at

    […] My baby girl turned 6 in February, so I wanted to write a little birthday wish to my daughter. I can’t believe she’s 6 already. It honestly feels like yesterday that she was born. There are many moments when I mourn the fact that they are getting older – that I’m done having kids. […]

    Reply

What do you think? Cancel reply

Hi, I’m Stacey!

Popular Posts

  • Lake Arrowhead Is The Perfect Weekend Get Away from LA
  • How to Make Easy 3 Ingredient Cake Mix Pumpkin Cookies
  • shadow root at home
    This is How to Create Shadow Root Hair Color at Home
  • You Need to Try These Long Cardigans for Fall
  • best-boutiques-in-phoenix-featured
    Best Boutiques in Phoenix

Disclosure

This site uses selective affiliate links, which means a commission is earned if you make a purchase via the link. The price you pay will be the same whether you use the affiliate link or go directly to the vendor’s website using a non-affiliate link. Our editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. We appreciate, and thank you for, your support!

Pinterest

Join Stacey on Instagram

poshinprogress

POSH IN PROGRESS - Since 2013
Fashion • Mom Life • Recipes • Travel • Beauty
Executive Director - UCLA Bedari Kindness Institute
📍 Los Angeles

Dr. Stacey Freeman
Today, I can confidently tell my daughter that she Today, I can confidently tell my daughter that she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to, and I couldn’t be happier. #madamvicepresident #kamalaharris
Back to work on a Tuesday! What did you do with yo Back to work on a Tuesday! What did you do with your long weekend? I’m glad to be back to work and even though I work from home, I still dress up for my zoom calls sometimes! 
.
New on the blog, I’m sharing pearl embellished coats and jackets under $50. This is definitely going to be a work staple because it looks so great with both dresses and work slacks. Plus is chic and affordable! 
.
You can instantly shop my looks by following me on the LIKEtoKNOW.it shopping app http://liketk.it/36lZg and save 15% at @shein_us with code 4poshin15 #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKcurves #LTKunder50 #curvyblogger #curvyblog #shein #sheingals
MLK weekend vibes💙. It has been so warm in LA w MLK weekend vibes💙. It has been so warm in LA we spent all day at the beach yesterday. Today, we are taking in local parks and another gorgeous day. But, my heart is heavy with the state of our world. 
.
Today, as we celebrate an important figure in the fight for Black equality, I’m choosing not to share one of his famous quotes because that’s too easy. Simply sharing his words without considering or sharing my perspective about the current state of our country feels disingenuous at best.
.
I’ve struggled with how to talk about the insurrection because I still find it all so shocking. And the fact that I am shocked is a problem. That our country can be so divided that it’s difficult for me to even fathom how people could participate in this divisiveness.
.
The insurrection happened on my birthday, as I flew to Puerto Vallarta. Landing in Mexico and learning about what was happening felt surreal. I still can’t wrap my head around it, honestly.  What scares me the most is the hate. The idolizing of a white supremacist ideology is terrifying. It terrifies me for my children. For their safety. For their lives.
.
I understand that a lot of hate is spurred by fear, lack of understanding and discomfort. Today, I hope we can all think about how to be more open to thoughts and perspectives that our different than our own. Be more accepting of people who look different, who have different cultures and life experiences. Today, I hope we can all collectively try to confront every human interaction from a place of love and kindness. If we all spent a little more time considering the other person’s life or story, I think we’d have a lot more peace and happiness. #mlk #mlkday #mlkweekend
“I’ve left my heart in so many places...” . “I’ve left my heart in so many places...”
.
Puerto Vallarta, I love you. And I’ll see you soon💙.
.
Shop my look 👉🏼 http://liketk.it/36a3f #liketkit @liketoknow.it #LTKtravel #LTKcurves #LTKunder50 #puertovallarta #travelblogger #travelblog #hostedby #hosted #villpremiere
Happy Saturday friends! Did you know January is oa Happy Saturday friends! Did you know January is oat month? I love oats so I wanted to try a new cookie recipe. 
.
New on poshinprogress.com, I’m sharing this easy and yummy oatmeal scotchies recipe. My kids absolutely loved them and I think yours will too! Link in profile for the complete recipe. #oatmealcookies #cookierecipe
#ad One of my goals for the new year is to focus o #ad One of my goals for the new year is to focus on balance. With the kids back to school, it can be hard to find time to make meals. That's why I love having @Progresso Toppers soups on hand because they make quick and  tasty lunch options when I'm super busy. They are so convenient - and the soup also comes with a topper for the perfect crunch. They come in five different flavors and are ready in minutes. All five flavors of the Progresso Toppers are made with quality ingredients and no added sugar, or artificial flavors, or colors. If you're looking for a quick, convenient and delicious lunch option, definitely check out Progresso Toppers! #progresso #progressotoppers #takeacrunchbreak
Load More... Follow Stacey on Instagram

© 2021 Posh in Progress. All rights are reserved.

Copyright © 2021 · Glam Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in